original lyrics

 
 

Short and Sweet

by Steph Richardson

 

I've decided to buy smaller shoes

So your next girlfriend

Doesn't have too much to fill when I'm gone

You're welcome

Cos these boats that I wear know

They're going to haunt you some day, somehow

You know it got my thinking

When you didn't call...

...more to follow!

Hairy Legs

by Steph Richardson

 

Hairy legs

I've got those hairy legs

They keep my shins all warm

and they keep me well out of mischief

Hairy Legs

I've got those hairy legs

When you snuggle down in best

You find there's nothing that itches...

...more to follow!

Vagina Talk aka The Period Song

by Steph Richardson

 

"It's too early, early

Too early for vagina talk", he said

"I don't want to hear about your period instead

It's too early for vagina talk", he said

"So shut up about your bits already

 

I'm sympathetic that it happens every month and it can piss you off

But it's not my problem

 

I smile and say that it's OK

and that I love you anyway, I do

But this is pushing it

 

I'll bring you paracetamol and tea and coffee

I'll heat up a hot water bottle for your tummy

But please don't make me talk about it

It just makes me

 

Queasy

Every time we talk about it

Queasy

I really want to care about it

But it's hard when it's so early

And you show me pictures

I'm too queasy

Here's your lavender-scented thingy

Queasy

Here's a video of a puppy

You're in pain, I know it's true

You need a massive period poo

I'll show you the way to the loo

But I won't hold your hand until you're through

 

Just watch your favourite film

Just curl up on the couch

And try to take it easy

Don't think of all the blood

And how it really hurts

I'll try to help you through this hard time

But it just makes me

Queasy

Every time we talk about it

Queasy

I really want to care about it

But it's hard when it's so early

And you've got a diagram

I'm too queasy

Here's your orange-scented thingy

Queasy

Here's a video of a kitty

 

You're tired and you're ratty now

I'm losing patience with this row

Considering to retract my vow

You have to get to sleep somehow

 

It's early, early

Too early for vagina talk", he said

"I don't want to hear about your period instead

It's too early for vagina talk", he said

"So shut up about your bits already"

more lyrics coming soon

 

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